What a way to start the weekend...

First, a little background... For our anniversary earlier this year, i had bought The Wedge for Master. After trying it out, we went back and bought The Ramp to go with it. Together, you can use them like this. These things are amazing! They really do hold their shape with someone laying on them. *sigh* For now, we're done. But, if i had some extra money right now, i would love The Esse and also some of these. Yummm....

Anyway, i found this skirt at eBay to go with the shoes i mentioned not too long ago. It barely covers my ass. Master really liked it. He dressed me in my new skirt and the oh-so-high shoes. Sir actually had me standing (barely) in them for a little while. He decided to try out the posture collar he had just bought for me. i was now wearing the collar, skirt, and shoes. Very interesting combo, i am sure. But, since i was blindfolded, i couldn't tell you for sure. ;-) i was placed on the ramp/wedge combination. My ankles and thighs were bound together and rope was added between the heels of my shoes and my thigh cuffs. My wrists were cuffed to the sides of the wedge. There is something both very freeing and very frightening to be totally bound and spread like i was. i am terrible about keeping my legs spread when Sir starts torturing my clit/pussy/ass. It is nice to have no choice in the matter.

Master has this "thing" for lack of a better word that he uses to suck and pull on my clit. Imagine a pussy pump that is tiny enough that it only sucks the clit into it. It actually can be bought from an automotive store as a vacuum device for bleeding car brake lines. LOL, we like finding dangerous implements in unusual places. He sucked my clit in this for a while and then used Lip Venom on it. (i think Lip Venom works better than most of the clit tingling creams on the market, plus the applicator brush adds some additional torture in its own right.) Once i was just about ready to scream (i actually may have a bit, LOL), He fucked my ass with His hand and was teasing me with a vibrator. Sadly, we got interrupted at this point. The joy of kids.

Happily, We were able to pick things up again soon after. The fireworks and my space flight were amazing. i have to admit, it does make focusing difficult for the rest of the day. :-) The only thing that would have made it perfect for me (other than the kids interrupting) is maybe some hot wax poured on me while i was restrained and couldn't dodge it. (Just a tiny hint in case Master reads this *smile*)

i hope you have a wonderful week.

Keeping up with the Jones', BDSM style...

When i first discovered bdsm and the on-line world, i was still on AOL. For a long time, my "research" was restricted to AOL chat rooms. i just wasn't aware of a whole lot more. At some point, an acquaintance introduced me to a wonderful support site for female submissives. It was an amazing group of women and I learned a lot about myself through participating in that group. It was a support group, there was no competition (at least i never saw any signs of it), we were learning and experimenting together. It was understood that we would all be into different things (be it humiliation, puppy play, extreme bondage, what have you) and have different pain and experience levels. As i got more knowledgeable about myself, bdsm, and html; i created a web page. It was some place where i could share what i had learned, post stories, etc. i linked to other bdsm sites from other people i had come to know, and they linked to my site. It was fun.

i got away from all that for a long while. Then, i started exploring the whole blog concept and decided to create my own. Before i created this one, and even now that it exists, i enjoy going out to other bdsm blogs (especially blogs written by submissives). As i read, i find that a lot of them scare me. i am very glad that i am not a new submissive going out on the Internet to find myself. i think i would consider myself a failure (Although, i know that Sir would never consider me one).

For example, i consider myself a bit of a pain slut (although that varies depending on the time of the month). There are times where i really truly crave pain. But, i could never take the pain that i "see" other submissives taking via their blogs. i find myself becoming envious and in awe at them. i see how much they are willing to take for their Masters and i feel sad, knowing that there is no way i could do that, it is unfathomable. And i believe these women to be telling the truth without exaggeration--they include photographs in their blog entries that pretty much back up what they are saying. They're absolutely beautiful.

Then, there are the blogs that i read in disbelief. These are the ones that i hope a new sub never reads. These are the ones that are obviously works of fiction, but are put out there are fact. Women who claim to let their Master drown them until they pass out, starve them for days or weeks at a time, put them in a small coffin for weeks at a time, even hang high from a tree over night by one ankle while the rest of her body is hog tied into some bizarre form. It is just totally freaky. i hope that no one reads any of those blogs, thinks they are factual and then feels badly about her self.

While i don't go for the whole "sisters in submission" thing, i do think that as submissives, we should try and support each other and remember this isn't about competition. This is about being happy with who you are in the relationship you are in. And, about pleasing Your Master/Dom while being yourself.

Shoe bondage...

i'm tall, 5'10" to be exact. So, i don't wear shoes with heels, at least nothing higher than maybe an inch. The majority of my shoes are flats, but the occasional dress shoe may have a tiny heel. i just can't wear high heel shoes. Between my height and the fact that i am the klutz to end all klutzes, it is a bad combination. i've actually broken my foot stepping off a curb, that's how much of a klutz i am.

But, i recently bought a new pair of shoes.
Super high heeled ones. Ones that push my feet into oddly pointed positions. And i really like them. Master put them on last night before we played. He forced my feet into them, tied them tightly, and then secured them further with rope. Lots of rope. He started under the heels and criss-crossed rope up my legs like fishnet stockings. Once He was done, i couldn't un-point my toes. And it was so hot. Especially when He pushed the shoes against my thighs and i felt the points of the heels dig slightly into my legs. Instant orgasm. I heart these shoes. i'm not sure if i'd ever be able to stand in them (let alone walk), but it sure is fun wearing them in bed, especially once clothespins, rubber bands, an inflatable butt plug, and vibrators are added elsewhere.

Speaking of rubber bands, the kind that are worn with orthodontia are the perfect size for keeping nipples bound, pinched, and perky. It feels like wearing clamps or clothespins around my nipples, but the nipples are still open and accessible for additional torture. i'm not sure what we'll do when the kids stop wearing braces and we can no longer get bags of rubberbands each month.

'Til next time...

enemas, anyone?

So, for many years, we've toyed around with the idea of enemas. i had read something about them on some bdsm board and thought the idea was hot. We'd talk about it, my Master would occasionally "threaten/tempt" me with one, but that is as far as it would go. For the past year or so, i (and probably Master) have been wanting to play edgier. Things that were hard limits when we started out now don't sound anywhere near as much like a hard limit. LOL Enemas are one off those things.

Sometimes, things work out better in real life then in the fantasy world. Other times, the fantasy world is better (like while i fantasy frequently about another submissive joining my Master and i, i know i could never really handle doing it). The enema was a little of both.

The actual getting the enema was soooo hot. The humiliation, the sensation, the way Master was talking to me and touching me. The after-effects weren't so great. The idea had been to use the enema as part of the foreplay for an intense anal session. Sadly, my stomach was cramping too much to do anything afterwards. We had used an over-the-counter enema. i think that was the issue. i would love to try again but with a "home made" one instead. i think more internet research will be necessary. LOL

We did wind up having the intense anal play (and it was amazing), just had to do it a couple days later. But, this re-inforced something that for some reason i have difficulty grasping (even after all these years). Communication is so important in a bdsm relationship. i have got to be honest with how i feel, and communicate if i do not physically feel up to anything. i was going along with everything after getting the enema, moving to where Master wanted me to be, letting myself be blindfolded, etc. But, i was playing a part, i wasn't feeling it. i wasn't enjoying it, but i was going along anyway. Luckily Master saw through me and called quits to all but cuddling. He keeps stressing to me how important it is for me to communicate how i am feeling. Maybe it will sink in at some point. i hope sooner rather than later.

i actually have a blog. LOL

i’ve never blogged before (hard to believe in this internet age) so be patient with me while i get my feet wet. i have done the web page thing, once upon a time. It was a place i could post stories i had written, link to other bdsm sites, etc. i am planning to get a new site up and running again and then i can link from here to there. i am hoping this blog will help me with organizing my thoughts. Comments are very welcome, but please be nice.

i think i’ve been a submissive my entire life, even though i had no “name” for how i felt. It was just who i was and how i interacted with the world. When i hit puberty, my fantasies were all bdsm related (even though it still did not have a name for me). i was around 30 when i heard of bdsm for the first time. It was as if a light bulb went off in my mind, the epitome of the “Aha” moment.

i’ve been lucky enough to be able to live in this lifestyle for over 10 years. It is where i am happiest, most centered, most productive, the best “me” i know. And yet, more often that not, i am fighting against it. LOL i spend too much time over-thinking it, i think. So often, i am like someone with a split-personality—the nice ordinary (vanilla) housewife and mom having dinner out with vanilla friends (that would probably never understand, if they knew), going to PTA and teacher meetings, going shopping, you name it. Then, there is the part of me that is happiest sleeping at the foot of the bed like some pampered puppy, getting spanked hard in the kitchen, or being tied up and blind folded. It is a difficult balance, especially when there are kids in the house—while i was enjoying the spanking in the kitchen, my mind is going back and forth between “oh, harder please” and “sshh, what if the kids hear.”