i actually have a blog. LOL

i’ve never blogged before (hard to believe in this internet age) so be patient with me while i get my feet wet. i have done the web page thing, once upon a time. It was a place i could post stories i had written, link to other bdsm sites, etc. i am planning to get a new site up and running again and then i can link from here to there. i am hoping this blog will help me with organizing my thoughts. Comments are very welcome, but please be nice.

i think i’ve been a submissive my entire life, even though i had no “name” for how i felt. It was just who i was and how i interacted with the world. When i hit puberty, my fantasies were all bdsm related (even though it still did not have a name for me). i was around 30 when i heard of bdsm for the first time. It was as if a light bulb went off in my mind, the epitome of the “Aha” moment.

i’ve been lucky enough to be able to live in this lifestyle for over 10 years. It is where i am happiest, most centered, most productive, the best “me” i know. And yet, more often that not, i am fighting against it. LOL i spend too much time over-thinking it, i think. So often, i am like someone with a split-personality—the nice ordinary (vanilla) housewife and mom having dinner out with vanilla friends (that would probably never understand, if they knew), going to PTA and teacher meetings, going shopping, you name it. Then, there is the part of me that is happiest sleeping at the foot of the bed like some pampered puppy, getting spanked hard in the kitchen, or being tied up and blind folded. It is a difficult balance, especially when there are kids in the house—while i was enjoying the spanking in the kitchen, my mind is going back and forth between “oh, harder please” and “sshh, what if the kids hear.”