enemas, anyone?

So, for many years, we've toyed around with the idea of enemas. i had read something about them on some bdsm board and thought the idea was hot. We'd talk about it, my Master would occasionally "threaten/tempt" me with one, but that is as far as it would go. For the past year or so, i (and probably Master) have been wanting to play edgier. Things that were hard limits when we started out now don't sound anywhere near as much like a hard limit. LOL Enemas are one off those things.

Sometimes, things work out better in real life then in the fantasy world. Other times, the fantasy world is better (like while i fantasy frequently about another submissive joining my Master and i, i know i could never really handle doing it). The enema was a little of both.

The actual getting the enema was soooo hot. The humiliation, the sensation, the way Master was talking to me and touching me. The after-effects weren't so great. The idea had been to use the enema as part of the foreplay for an intense anal session. Sadly, my stomach was cramping too much to do anything afterwards. We had used an over-the-counter enema. i think that was the issue. i would love to try again but with a "home made" one instead. i think more internet research will be necessary. LOL

We did wind up having the intense anal play (and it was amazing), just had to do it a couple days later. But, this re-inforced something that for some reason i have difficulty grasping (even after all these years). Communication is so important in a bdsm relationship. i have got to be honest with how i feel, and communicate if i do not physically feel up to anything. i was going along with everything after getting the enema, moving to where Master wanted me to be, letting myself be blindfolded, etc. But, i was playing a part, i wasn't feeling it. i wasn't enjoying it, but i was going along anyway. Luckily Master saw through me and called quits to all but cuddling. He keeps stressing to me how important it is for me to communicate how i am feeling. Maybe it will sink in at some point. i hope sooner rather than later.

i actually have a blog. LOL

i’ve never blogged before (hard to believe in this internet age) so be patient with me while i get my feet wet. i have done the web page thing, once upon a time. It was a place i could post stories i had written, link to other bdsm sites, etc. i am planning to get a new site up and running again and then i can link from here to there. i am hoping this blog will help me with organizing my thoughts. Comments are very welcome, but please be nice.

i think i’ve been a submissive my entire life, even though i had no “name” for how i felt. It was just who i was and how i interacted with the world. When i hit puberty, my fantasies were all bdsm related (even though it still did not have a name for me). i was around 30 when i heard of bdsm for the first time. It was as if a light bulb went off in my mind, the epitome of the “Aha” moment.

i’ve been lucky enough to be able to live in this lifestyle for over 10 years. It is where i am happiest, most centered, most productive, the best “me” i know. And yet, more often that not, i am fighting against it. LOL i spend too much time over-thinking it, i think. So often, i am like someone with a split-personality—the nice ordinary (vanilla) housewife and mom having dinner out with vanilla friends (that would probably never understand, if they knew), going to PTA and teacher meetings, going shopping, you name it. Then, there is the part of me that is happiest sleeping at the foot of the bed like some pampered puppy, getting spanked hard in the kitchen, or being tied up and blind folded. It is a difficult balance, especially when there are kids in the house—while i was enjoying the spanking in the kitchen, my mind is going back and forth between “oh, harder please” and “sshh, what if the kids hear.”